“Atelophobia : The fear of not being good enough.”

I think it’s the fear. We are all afraid of something. Water, Heights, Fire, Isolation, Spiders etc; to name a few. I am afraid of disappointing someone, the fear of not being good enough. Not smart enough, not kind enough, not pretty enough etc. 
More than motivation, the fire or the need to do well, I think the fear is gone. I think this is what happens when you lose everything that you never thought of losing. You get through it, you survive and then you learn that yes, you could do it. You did it. You’re a survivor. 
So right now, I am at this point of my life where I don’t fear anything. I have got through some really tough times, and I survived, I made it. Pretty well, actually. I have been through heartbreak and humiliation and trust lost and self hate and every other negative consequence of a bad decision you could ever imagine, and I learned that sometimes no matter how good you are, terrible things still happen. So right now, I don’t fear it anymore. And the absence of fear, that anxiety, and the presence of that complimentary ensuing confidence is a hurdle. 

Is having no care in the world right ? The official ‘idgaf’ atitude? Or is it bad sometimes, because you don’t work hard enough, and become a careless fool, going down on a self-destructive path? 



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